Dealing with Stress

Stress? My! Talk about stress! My friend, nearly out of her mind, contacted me yesterday. Three generations of her family were dumping their problems on her and demanding she fix them. Yet they were unwilling to take either personal responsibility or her suggestions.

After we discussed the family, which she can’t fix, I talked with her about dealing with something she can do something about: her own mental, emotional and physical self. It is amazing how these three vital elements intertwine–and sometime become horribly tangled and knotted.

I gave her a procedure that should immediately start untangling the knots and provide some relief. I won’t deal here with the spiritual factors: relationship with God, prayer, meditation, etc. but there are several…

Key facts to consider:

1. Your body reacts to your emotions. 2. Your emotions respond to what your mind visualizes. 3. What you tell yourself about your situation determines the mental  pictures you see. 4. What you say to yourself  when you’re under negative pressure tends to create what I call “Movies of ‘The awfuls'” that you play in your head. And you react, mentally, emotionally and physically to those awful scenes!

What can you do to control the movies, even change the scenes?

What factor easiest to affect?  The physical! You can immediately begin to trigger mental and emotional relief by doing something about your physical state. That can begin the process that will turn off the movies or at least tone them down and minimize their destructive effects.

If you can’t sleep, don’t lie there doing replay after replay of “The Awfuls”! Get up and do some mild exercise. Walk. Stretch, jog in place. Bend. Squat. Anything to get your body to signal your brain that you’re not giving up, but are moving forward.

Here are some steps to induce physical and mental release of stress: Sit upright in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor. Put your hands in your lap, palms up. Clinch your hands into a tight fist. Hold for a slow 3-count. Unclinch them. Take two slow breaths. Do this five times, then relax the hands and shoulders. Notice the warm glow in your hands. Stretch your arms straight in front of you palms facing away from you. splay your fingers as widely as you can as if signaling, “Ten to go!” Now, keeping the fingers splayed but relaxed, your palms facing away from you, shake/wiggle your hands vigorously from the wrists for a twelve-count. Now place your hands back in your lap, palms up. Relax hands, arms and shoulders.

Close your eyes. Breath in slowly and deeply through your nose–breath out slowly through your mouth. Repeat. As you continue to breathe slowly, imagine the most peaceful and pleasant scene you can think of. Imagine yourself there. Enjoy it. Feel the warm sun and gentle breeze. Hear soft sounds of nature. Feel you face relaxing and becoming soft. Feel the tension in you neck and shoulders letting go. Beginning with your scalp, imagine any tension is melting like butter and flowing gently down the back of your neck, across your shoulders, down your arms, into your hands and evaporating into the air through your palms. Enjoy the relaxed feeling as you continue to breath deeply and slowly. Enjoy this for as long as you wish.

Now sit up straight,  lift your shoulders gently up toward you ears. Roll them forward a few times. Now, roll them backward a few times. Notice how loose they feel as you continue to slowly breath. Let your face feel a gentle smile. Enjoy the relaxed feeling for as long as you like. When you’re ready, sit up, stretch, lift you hands up, stretch upward as you “reach for the sky,” let your arms down, stand up, twist and bend a bit, shake out an tension that’s left and notice how much better you feel. Now go on about your activities with a much greater sense of peace and calm.

If you will follow this little routine when you’re feeling stressed and uptight, I know it will make a difference.

Would you like me to make a recording to guide through the routine?  Send me an email suggesting it: SmithDale2@aol.com. If there is sufficient interest, I may do so.

Disclaimer: I’m not an M.D., psychiatrist, or medical practitioner of any type. I’m just a happy old-timer who has had a world of experience in dealing with life and in helping others through life’s mazes. My suggestions are just that: suggestions. You are responsible for your own behavior and how you react to the suggestions. Take into consideration your physical condition. You should reject any idea that is inappropriate because of your condition. You should consult with your physician or other health professional about any change in exercise or physical activity. Nothing I write has been approved by the Federal Drug Administration, The American Dental Association, the Environmental Protection Administration, The Girl Scouts of America, Hillary Clinton, or Sarah Palin. But I think you’ll find some helpful ideas. Surely hope so!

Here’s the Breaking News!

Hi! I’m happy to announce…

IT’S HERE! Tomorrow (Saturday, Sept. 29) you—and your friends—can get an absolutely free copy of our award-winning novel, Turn Back Time!  It’s the Amazon Kindle version that you can read on your computer, Bluetooth, iPad, iPhone, Android, etc., without your buying a thing!

Why free? Because we want as many people as possible to enjoy this highly-acclaimed novel, create “buzz” & see rise to the top a book that upholds high morals, with no filthy speech or vulgarities!

The last time we did a give-away, 14,881 people (that’s not a misprint!) downloaded the book in two days! We don’t expect that many this time, but there could be several thousand and it’s exciting to know that you, and your friends, can get it—absolutely without charge, no strings attached!

The book won the Benjamin Franklin Award for Fiction and was a highly successful DoubleDay Crossings Book Club selection (they sold out and reprinted, twice). When you check Amazon.com, you’ll see that Turn Back Time has 39 reviews and that 36 are 5-Stars, and three are 4-Stars!

But when we were writing it, Lisa and I kept wondering if people would like it or even finish reading it! We could only dream that people would praise it so and want others to have it—and beg for a sequel, and then, yet another!

You can imagine how satisfying it is to us now to know that thousands and thousands of people around the English-speaking world have a novel inspired by the meeting, romance, and lives of her grandparents—my mother and (the formerly bad-news bachelor) dad! How blessed we were to get to write it. Maybe you, too, have one inside you just waiting to get out!

So we’re delighted to be able to give the book to you, and encourage you to tell others about it.

Please let your friends and family know the book can be theirs–free. Post it to your Facebook friends, tweet about it on Twitterand do a mailing to your email contacts. They’ll be grateful to to get the book totally without cost! So please do pass the word about it. It’s free for one-day only: Saturday, September 29.

Get it by going to Amazon.com/books/Turn Back Time, and placing the order. It will show the cost as “$0.” Here’s a link will also go there without any hassle: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008G1FDBQ.

To save you some time if you want to help us get the word out, I’ll post a sample Facebook, twitter and email message below. Use any and all. Modify and adapt as you choose.

I’m so grateful to have such great supporters-encouragers as you!

Sincerely,

Dale

<<<<>>>>

Tweet for Twitter:

You’ll love it & it’s FREE Sat.9/29-only: Turn Back Time (Kindle) award-winning, gentle-but-keep-you-awake-novel. Highly-praised DoubleDay book club selection. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008G1FDBQ. Get it & please retweet

<<<<>>>>

Post for FaceBook:

It’s free! Here’s your chance to get a highly-praised & warmly-reviewed full-length novel at no cost! On Sat., Sept. 9 (only), Amazon.com is giving away the Kindle version of the award-winning Turn Back Time. More than 15,000 people have downloaded this book. Don’t miss this great read! Click: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008G1FDBQ, check out the reviews, get your free copy. Enjoy it and tell others!

<<<<>>>>

Message for email:

Hi,

I just wanted you to know that Saturday, Sept. 29, Philip Dale Smith and Lisa Hauser, the father-daughter authors of the award-winning novel, Turn Back Time, have arranged with Amazon.com for you to be able to get a free Kindle version of the novel with absolutely no charge! You can read the kindle eBook on your computer, iPad, iPhone, Bluetooth, Android, and other cell phones and tablets—and you don’t have to buy a thing. Check Amazon’s review page and you’ll see that of 39 reviews, the book has an unheard of 36 Five-Stars and three 4-Stars! There are comments such as:

“Turn Back Time is the kind of book that makes time stand still while you’re reading it. You’ve hardly begun reading until you’re hooked.”

“A masterpiece of imagery and suspense…a good read with a strong message for moral and ethical values.”

“I can see why this book won the Benjamin Franklin Award for Fiction–and almost exclusively has 4-star and 5-star reviews!”

“I’m an old man who you wouldn’t think could tear up, while reading anything, but I’ll have to say that this one has the record. It is such a wonderful story and, for those who may wonder, it has NO improper words, etc. It’s just a clean, wonderful story about love and loss, and love renewed.”

“Dale Smith and Lisa Hauser are master storytellers…. any chance of a major motion picture…mini-series?”

“WOW, I have almost neglected my life to get to the end of this book and now that I’ve finished it, I’m sad it’s over…. BUT… I see there is a sequel…YES!”

NOTE: This offer of the book as a freebie applies only to Saturday, September 29. Afterward Amazon will return to charging its full price.

So—get your copy! And pass the word to others that it is available as a free book only on
Saturday, Sept. 29.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

P.S. Thanks again for helping us get the word to people who will enjoy and be blessed by the story.

Philip Dale Smith

625 Elrod Road
Bowling Green, KY
42104
US

“Dale, you are a pilot light…!”

The title of this post is a quote from 50 years ago. It concluded…” You light flames in the hearts of others. Recently I needed to consider that again.
Three things combined to hit me hard. My 5-day hospitalization in March, my turning 80 in April, and Mary Jo’s early stage dementia. They didn’t stop me in my tracks, but they came close! Really got me to thinking. This 9th decade is most likely my last that could be highly productive. When I get to my 90s I should taper off, don’t you think?
My conclusion: the best use of my 80s is to empower others. But I’m going to have to travel less. So how can I best equip others? I came up with three ways.
1. Help folks find their messages, get them down, and get them published (more later).
2. Help speakers and would-be speakers/instructors maximize their platform skills.
3. Strengthen families through materials and programs of Every Kid a Winner, Inc.
And, of course, weave love of God and country into all.
For this post I’ll concentrate on helping you and others make a difference through writing.
It can be huge! Being a published author can open doors and expand the horizons of your influence!
In getting ready for the launch of Turn Back Time as a Kindle eBook, I realized something. I’ve accumulated knowledge and resources that could really help you and others get published. Kindle or otherwise.
I got to thinking about some examples. There’s my grand-niece, Amy. She wrote a superb piece about Monarch butterflies. It could be a highly successful Kindle book—and she could offer as a bonus her moment-by-moment photographic record, picture after magnificent picture, from egg to full-grown adult butterfly.
Another case: a minister friend who, from bits he has written could produce an absolutely awesome book on “Delights of Parenting a Passel of Special Needs Children!” Okay, that might not be the title! But all he and his wife need do is add a bit of structure to already written daily snap-shots of their intriguing, delightful, and challenging experiences. I’m ready to buy the first copy!
I could go on and on about recipe collections, family stories, fishing guides, hobbies, travel tales, etc. There are unlimited possibilities for Kindle books, novels, novellas, eReports, etc. What potential blessings for untold numbers of readers! And there would be recurring income through future sales. Could make a difference for a college fund for a child or grandchild. Or after retirement. Etc!
Would you be interested if I would provide insights, suggestions, guidelines, and resources? Note: I simply don’t have the time to do individual coaching or mentoring, but perhaps I could create a series of emails or a website/blog where we could share information. There wouldn’t be any charge.
If you’re interested, do two things:
1. Send an email to me smithdale2@aol.com saying, “Dale, count me in!” I’ll put you on the list as part of the special group working to get published. Watch for emails from me! It would be great if you’d post “Dale, count me in!”on facebook to help create a buzz.
2. This next is optional:* Participate two ways in the launch of the Turn Back Time Kindle: a. Buy a copy of the book from Amazon.com on Thursday for just $3.97.
b. Tell ten others about the book and the launch. This is a critical part of the process as we check out the validity of our “friends telling friends” approach to spreading the word about Kindle eBooks. You can tell them in person, by phone, through email, or even by posting on FaceBook or Twitter. Of course you don’t have to limit yourself to telling ten!
3. Let me know you’ve bought the book! Amazon will tell me the number of sales, but not who bought. I want to list you in my list of early adopters who got in from the beginning of this project. You’ll go in my “Turn Back Time Hall of Fame” for especially good treatment! ?
*As I said, helping with the launch is optional—but being involved is the best way to get a feel for how this process works and will give you hands-on experience that will increase the benefits you’ll get from the content and guidance I’ll provide. So go for it! The cost, which is next to nothing, will pay great dividends. Good things are ahead.
So—I’m excited! This, my 9th decade, may be my most productive yet as I help you and others to dream dreams and achieve them.
Here I am getting to be a pilot light! I hope your flame is one I’ll be able to help burn brightly!

Life changers! Well, maybe….

What’s happening Thursday? We’re launching Turn Back Time as a Kindle eBook—which will make it available to millions! But there’s much more! And the “more” can relate to you, specifically to the fact that you have “Kindles” within you waiting to be developed and published!

I want my Turn Back Time Kindle eBook to inspire you and give you a pattern to model. You do have something! Maybe family stories that could be the basis of successful novels—or at least stories that bless future generations of your family. Or could be released as low-cost Kindle reports that would benefit many. Or what you have may be family recipes, knowledge of fishing or another hobby, a series of sermons or Bible lessons, or…who knows?

If you’re interested, and enough others are, I may set up a blog to guide you toward success. I won’t charge for it, and I must emphasize that I won’t have time for one-to-one mentoring. But I can share what I’m learning in this process and can provide some resources and tools. Sound good? It would be awesome to pitch in together to show those four loves mentioned earlier: Love of life, love of family, love of nation and love of God. Watch for another post from me soon. Then I’ll hope to hear from you if you’re interested.

Does it matter…?

 Are you concerned, as I am, that children aren’t being taught our nation’s history? For a good demonstration of the matter, ask your children/grandchildren, “What do we celebrate on the 4th of July?” If they say, “The Declaration of Independence,” congratulate them for knowing. Then ask, “What is ‘The Declaration of Independence?’”

I hope that will lead to a healthy discussion of the founding of our country. Before you start the discussion, you might want a little refresher. I needed one! Perhaps it would be helpful to google “The War for American Independence” or “The Declaration of Independence.”

In addition to those discussion-starter questions, here are  more that will test knowledge level.
1. Who was our enemy in that war?
2. Who was that nation’s leader?
3. Who was the leader of our army?
4. What country became our main ally?
5. How many signers of the Declaration where there?
6. Name three or more.
7. How many colonies became the original states?
8. Name six of them.
9. Who was the primary author of the Declaration of Independence?
10. Which two leaders in the War of Independence are memorialized at Mt. Rushmore?
11. What four leaders of that war are on American currency—bills or coins?
12. Who was selected to lead the country after the war?

If your child(ren) correctly answered nine or more of those questions, you are exceptional! I say “you are exceptional,” because children seldom excel in such knowledge without involvement of parents. Because public schools are generally doing a pathetic job of teaching history, civics, and similar subjects, the children in public schools who learn such matters usually do so because parents and/or grandparents are passionately involved in their education.

If, without research to find the answers, you and your children got nine or more correct answers, I’d love to have you send me an email and tell me your score. Also tell me the ones you missed. If I hear from enough of you to justify it, I’ll generate a report. In fact, I’d be happy to hear from you, no matter what your score.

BTW, I virtually guarantee you that 75% of those who get nine of more right are homeschoolers! I wasn’t “homeschooled,” but a big part of my knowledge of history was what I learned at home—mostly from my dad. Homeschooling curricula typically has a strong emphasis on history.

As I travel and speak around the country, I find a sad lack of knowledge of who our founding fathers (and mothers) were. Few of the younger generations know what they stood for and why they sought and fought for independence. They certainly know little of the nature of  the republic those founders established, the importance of the free enterprise system they laid the foundation for, and other matters basic to the very nature of our culture and society. That is sad!

I don’t think it’s too late! We can still do something to get our younger generation up to speed about what our country is all about! What are your thoughts? Email me, smithdale2@aol.com, or post a Facebook message. Let’s make a difference!

Back again!

Here I am again!

And I apologize to you for having “parked” this site for such a long time.  A number of factors have impacted my schedule and my priorities. Among the greatest and most significant of these is that my Mary Jo, my wife for more than half a century, over the last year and a half has slipped into early stages of dementia. When she decided in 2010 not to enroll at Western KY U, I should have suspected something–but I just thought she was tired (and tired of getting parking tickets for parking in wrong places!)–and that having taken classes at 16 colleges and universities, she just wanted a break. But it was more than that. The condition is not progressing rapidly and she is still functioning quite well much of the time.

It does impact my schedule, though, and is likely going to limit my travel. I was extremely sorry to have to cancel a long-anticipated somewhat extensive parenting-training tour of Africa last spring when Mary Jo’s condition was first diagnosed. Much of the past year has been spent in evaluation and adjusting.

Added to that, in the last month I have spent 5 days in the hospital, have had two surgical procedures (gall bladder removal and gallstone removal, with some complications) but I’m back to functioning almost fully (90%, I’d say) and am continuing to do some restructuring of my work.

I feel I should have another decade, at least, the Good Lord willing, in which to make contributions to the lives of others. I’d be happy to have any of you who know me well to suggest how you feel I can best benefit others. I may be running some ideas by you as to what I should make my highest priorities.

Watch for emails from me, also FaceBook and Twitter messages. I’ll look forward to being in touch!

Make the Most of Family Trips

Add Pizzaz–and education to family travel!

Mary Jo and I did and both Kent and Lisa and their families have benefited from it immensely. Plus it certainly made travel easier and more enjoyable for all of us!

Do you have a trip planned for Thanksgiving or Christmas—or otherwise? Plan ahead. Make a driving trip pass quickly and add educational value. How? Get a map, highlight the trip, and assign different family members to research, online or otherwise, points of interest on or near the route. As you get close to a location of interest, let the person assigned to that place tell about it.

If you plan a trip from Chicago to Dallas, obvious highlights would be Springfield, IL, St. Louis, and assuming you’re taking the Eastern loop, Memphis, Little Rock and Dallas. And there are many secondary locations. You might say, “We’ll go by the towns of Pontiac and Lincoln, IL. Who would like to find out what they’re are named for? Do you think it’s automobiles?” And you might add, “We’re going to go by America’s only diamond mine. Who’ll look it up?”

Along the way you’ll be near Indian mounds, huge caves, the site of one of our biggest earthquakes ever, battlefields and other historical sites, towns named for prominent Americans, etc. Capitalize on the opportunity to pique interest in the events, places, and people who have played a part in the shaping of our nation.

It is obvious that most children are learning little of our country’s geography or history in the public schools. So families are the key if we want them to know our land and the stories of our founding fathers and mothers and others who have made our country great. Family travel can be an enjoyable and enriching way to achieve those goals.

Baby Talk and More

A Pat-the-Baby post by Lisa Kay Hauser

In   1998, when our oldest child graduated from high school, I was one of the youngest parents in attendance. In 2014, when our youngest child graduates, I will—very likely—be the oldest parent at the ceremony. The last chick in our nest starts high school in about three weeks. While that seems incomprehensible at times, it’s also almost as incredible that in the last several years, our daughter—the first-born—and her wonderful husband, have given us five incredible grandchildren.  We are blessed!

On Sunday afternoon this past weekend, I was holding our newest granddaughter, two-month-old Mara Grace.  She and I were having a chat. Mara Grace is at that precious stage when babies lock their eyes onto yours and mimic your facial expressions, turning their little mouths into perfect O’s and cooing, then bursting into gummy grins. Exquisite joy! I was carrying on a running conversation with her.

“Tell, me. What do you have to say? Is it important? I’m listening. Tell me all your secrets. Do you know how special you are? Well, you are! You are the most special baby in the whole wide world. Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

After a few minutes I picked up her sweet little feet and began to play pat-a-cake.

Our oldest granddaughter, eight-year-old Mariah, came and leaned against my arm.

“Boppie, what are you doing?”

“I’m talking to the baby.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s important.”

“When do babies learn to talk back?”

I maintained eye contact with the baby and started answering Mariah in the same sing-song voice I had been using when talking to Mara Grace.

“She’s learning to talk back right now,” I said.

“She is?” Mariah didn’t sound convinced.

“She sure is, just by me talking to her, she’s learning to talk back to me. Listen to the little noises she’s making, and watch how she’s moving her mouth and sticking her tongue out.”

“But those aren’t real words, Boppie.”

“Not yet, but they will be.”

Imagine a baby’s brain as a giant electronic circuit board just waiting to be fired up. It needs a “spark” to get it started, but once there is stimulation, those sparks fly from neural path to neural path. They leap across voids as synapses fire and open new channels for growth and intelligence. Every time we speak to our babies, those synapses start jumping! Reading to your baby, singing to your baby, tickling down a little leg, or holding their hands in yours and clapping them together causes the synapses to fly!

What does playing pat-a-cake have to do with all this? Why it’s a treasure trove of synapse stimulation. The chanting stimulates the part of the brain that recognizes music and speech/language, the patting stimulates tactile (or touch) regions of the brain and fine and gross motor skills areas are awakened, oh—and equally important—you are stimulating the part of the brain that tells your baby they are important to you because you are interacting with him or her. Just from playing a 15 second game. Great results from so little invested time.

Of course, you’ll want to do it over and over when you see how excited your baby is. Try “Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” They love that one. You may have to modify the movements with your two month old, but that’s okay. They won’t mind a bit. And while you two are having such a good time, remember your baby is learning how to focus attention, listen, talk—and to love.

I love you!-Really?

I LOVE YOU!

There, I’ve said it—even shouted it!

Doesn’t make sense, though, does it? Might not seem to, in view of the fact that I’ve never even met most of you. But I do. I’m not talking about warm vibes, and happy fuzzies (yet). I’m always delighted and a bit surprised when I glimpse a name on FB and respond spontaneously and instantly. I know you. Your name is a handle attached to a package of immense value. So my heart jumps. But… Read more »

GrandpaDale Visitors–Welcome!

Are you looking for GrandpaDale.com?

You’re at the right place! GrandpaDale.com is our sister site and a bit of renovation is underway there, so we’re happy to serve as your host. Welcome!

And welcome to those coming from FaceBook, Twitter and elsewhere–possibly looking for information about one of our most exciting projects of all times…

Pat-the-Baby!

All of my adult life I’ve wanted to make a difference in the lives of children. As a result, I’ve written children’s picture books, have been a founding director of youth camps in three states and Canada, have worked extensively as a family coach, have spoken coast-to-coast on the theme, “Every Kid a Winner!” etc.

Nothing I’ve ever done is more exciting than “Pat-the-Baby.” Nothing holds more promise for positively impacting untold thousands of children and their families, and nothing is simpler than “Pat-the-Baby.” It doesn’t cost a cent, and to access it, just click:

http://www.tinyurl.com/PatTheBabyNow

If it fails when you click on it, simply cut and paste.

Get ready for a fun experience that, for many, will be life changing. If kids count to you, you’ll love it.

Remember: it’s free–but invaluable!

–Dale

If you have questions, email me at Dale@TheFamilyMinute.com. Poke around while you’re here at www.theFamilyMinute.com and look over some of our archives related to family. Needless to say, family is high priority here! We hope to have more and more helpful content, so visit often.